I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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