using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
