plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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