I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
