M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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