AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
where are my eyebrows?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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