i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
