When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
