I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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