He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
