His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
