So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
