R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
