dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
