Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
