WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
