i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
