My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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