Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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