I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
