You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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