just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
