she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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