My room smells like vodka and shame
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
