Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
