he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
