well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
