I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
