I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
