Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
