I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
