i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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