I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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