Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
