Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
