he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
