I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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