The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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