It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
