im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
