After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
