i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
