so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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