I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
