last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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