When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
