I could have mohawked her pubes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
