I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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