you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Watching her eat just hurts me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
