I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
